


Waiting for the Answer

by innerslytherin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:32:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2682740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innerslytherin/pseuds/innerslytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer Term, 1978--Everyone thinks Lupin is the good boy, but what his friends don't realize is that when the lights go down, Lupin is a complete Gryffinwhore…until Snape discovers his double life. Despite his initial animosity towards Lupin, he becomes more and more vexed as to why Lupin has slept with half of Hogwarts but hasn't approached him yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Little_iago for Snupin Santa 2007. I had the best set of betas ever for this fic. They gave lots of hand-holding, funny remarks, and made me write a few thousand more words when I lost my nerve. Good betas, they are more precious than gold.

_"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."  
\-- Woody Allen_

**Part 1**

 

It was well past time for everyone but Filch and Peeves to be out of the school passages and in their dorms. Severus was certainly no exception, but he'd been trying a spell designed to let him use the Restricted Section books undetected, and, flush with his success, he was going to have a go at the Prefect's Bath, because he thought a minor modification might work there. He was expecting to have to dodge Filch and Mrs Norris. He wouldn't have been surprised to encounter Potter, or possibly Black, on their way to the kitchen. He'd Disillusioned himself in the event he ran into one of the prefects.

What he wasn't expecting was to reach the fifth floor and find Remus Lupin tumbling breathlessly out of the prefect's bath in the arms of a red-headed Ravenclaw boy.

Severus ducked behind the statue of Boris the Bewildered and stared, fascinated. Lupin's hand was on the Ravenclaw's hip, the Ravenclaw (Goddard, wasn't it?) had his hand on Lupin's shirt collar, pulling him close--and their lips touched. They were fumbling a bit, and Goddard kept laughing, but Lupin's expression was intent, his gaze hooded. Severus couldn't tear his gaze away as Lupin leaned in, his lips parting, his tongue flicking out to graze Goddard's teeth, which made Goddard laugh, but also made him reach down to grope Lupin's arse.

Severus' breath left his lungs in a silent exhalation at that, seeing the fumbling turn hungry. He reached down and adjusted himself slightly in his trousers, wondering why he'd never noticed how Lupin's fringe fell in his face just so, or how very focussed the Gryffindor prefect could look.

Then Lupin gave a low laugh and pulled away from Goddard.

"We're meant to be saying goodbye," he said, giving the other boy a crooked smile.

Goddard ducked his head in embarrassment, then looked up at him. "You're a good shag, you know, Lupin?"

Lupin, astonishingly, looked amused. _Amused_. Severus shifted, trying to see better.

"Yeah, I know. Practice makes perfect." His smile became a grin. "Go on, Goddard. Thanks. And don't tell the prefects, or there'll be detention for both of us."

Goddard giggled. "Don't tell the prefects, right, I won't." He leaned in, trying for another kiss, but Lupin lifted his head just enough for it to be a gentle rejection, and the Ravenclaw gave up, heading down the passage towards the stairs up to the sixth floor. As Goddard passed the statue of Boris the Bewildered, Severus took careful note of the mussed red hair, the untucked, crookedly-buttoned shirt, and the tie draped loosely around his neck.

_God, Lupin must be an animal when it comes to sex,_ he thought. He turned his head to look back down the corridor--

But Lupin was already gone.

After a moment's thought, Severus went on to the prefect's bath. He'd been right, the spell only took three tries before he was inside, staring around at the room he'd only been in half a dozen times. Regulus knew the password, the prat, but wouldn't actually tell Severus, even though he'd brought Severus in to fool around a few times.

"Ooh, more company."

Severus glared at the silvery-grey form of Moaning Myrtle as she squeezed out of one of the drainpipes.

"Go away, I'm not here to keep you company."

"Oh, that's nice. The other two boys were much friendlier."

"I'd wager ten Galleons neither of them knew you were here." He bolted the door and turned on a few of the taps, selecting scents like pine-forest and mint.

"Oh, the prefect knew. He's in here often enough, after all." She giggled. "But he knows I like to watch. They're always pretty, the way they touch each other. It wasn't done, you know, when I was alive." She giggled again. "Well, it _was_ done, but the ones who were caught ended up being whipped, if they weren't expelled outright."

Severus stared at her, intrigued. Lupin brought _others_ here? "What do you mean, he's in here often enough? Is it always Goddard, or are there others? Does he bring _Black_ here?"

Myrtle smirked at him. "No, I've never seen this boy before. I don't know who Black is, but there are others who have come in here with the prefect. He does the most delicious things with his mouth, you know." She gave a little shiver. "It makes me wish I were still alive."

"What, he does that with girls, too?"

"Sometimes." Myrtle's spectacles flashed as she tilted her head. "You could just ask him. I expect he'll be back tomorrow night."

He'd tensed when she said that, whipping his head around in fear that Lupin had sneaked back in here instead of going back to Gryffindor Tower. But when she elaborated, Severus decided he'd heard enough.

"Look, I want to have a bath. Why don't you go haunt some u-bend or other." He flicked his wand in a Banishing that always worked on Peeves. Myrtle gave an outraged shriek and vanished.

Severus smirked for a moment, then stripped off his clothes, making a face as he draped his trousers on the bench, then slid into the hot, foamy water. He hated the trousers, because they were all cast-offs from his stupid Muggle father, and thus too big; but they'd been proven a necessity when Lupin, the bastard, hadn't lifted a finger to stop his precious mates after their OWLs. In the nearly two years since that encounter, Severus had learned secrets that _should_ have stopped the tormenting--and, indeed, it had certainly dropped in severity, if not in frequency--but he didn't trust Black and Potter not to turn his own bloody spell on him again.

He swam a few laps of the tub, then settled into a seat in one of the corners. He wondered if Black and Potter knew about Lupin's unusual predilections. He didn't think it likely. They might be friends with a werewolf, that was a cool sort of forbidden. They weren't nearly as likely to be friends with a queer. He'd heard the sort of things people--especially purebloods--said about queers. He'd learned early to pretend he was highly interested in tits and skirts, himself. But he had a feeling that, all condemnation of blood-related bigotry aside, pureblooded Potter and Black wouldn't be nearly so willing to overlook it that their werewolf friend was also a shirtlifter.

"I could get a lot of mileage out of this," he murmured, scratching a sudsy hand through his hair. "I wonder if I could find a camera somewhere. I could tell Lupin I have photographic proof..."

He could sneak back here tomorrow night, or however many nights it might take him to obtain proof. He imagined the reaction Lupin might have to knowing Severus knew _another_ of his secrets. He thought of the way Lupin and Goddard had kissed. It might be helpful to have blackmail against Goddard, for that matter, despite the fact that the Ravenclaw was a year behind them. Lupin had been so confident, so oddly sure of himself... He reached down to adjust himself again and realised his cock was hard.

"Mmm, Merlin," he muttered, curling his fingers around himself. That felt too good to stop. He tilted his head back, moving his hand lazily. Goddard was a handsome enough bloke, though he wore his hair funny. He was nicely muscled, though, and even if he was a little shorter than Lupin, he wasn't too short. Severus moved his hand a little faster, moving his thumb over the head of his cock.

Goddard had had to stretch a little for a kiss. Lupin had needed only to lift his head a little--that gesture had been so graceful, so easy--to avoid the kiss. Severus' eyes slid closed. The line of Lupin's throat was ridiculously sexy when he'd turned his head like that. And the amusement in Lupin's golden eyes--

Severus gasped and stroked himself harder. He was _not_ wanking over Lupin. Goddard. He had broad shoulders. And the way he'd slid his hand down to Lupin's arse--Lupin's well-shaped arse--

"Oh, God!" Severus gasped, and let his head fall back as he twisted his wrist. He squeezed his eyes shut and thought about groping that arse, thought about Lupin's wicked mouth pressed against his own throat, thought about Lupin's tongue flickering out to lick _his_ teeth-- His balls tightened unexpectedly and he tensed, sliding off the bench and deeper into the water as he came.

He floated for a few minutes, letting himself indulge in thoughts of the werewolf, but eventually he caught himself yawning and realised it was getting late and the water was cooling off. He rinsed off and let the tub begin draining, then towelled his hair dry and dressed quickly.

Fifteen minutes later he pulled the curtains closed on his bed and promised himself he would never again wank to fantasies of Remus Lupin.

* * *

"Severus? The bloody hell are you doing here?"

Severus had tensed, but the voice was Regulus'. If he had to be caught out of bounds by a prefect, Regulus was the best one to catch him. After all, Severus knew what he could do to get Regulus to let him off. He turned, smirking.

"I was just waiting to see if the rumours I heard are true."

Regulus folded his arms over his chest. "Rumours. Severus, you're hiding behind a statue of Boris the Bewildered with your wand drawn like you're going to attack someone. What rumours, exactly, are you referring to? Werewolves attacking from the Forbidden Forest? The mermaid getting loose from her portrait and rampaging through the prefect's bath?"

Severus snorted. "I've heard Remus Lupin's got his hands on some controlled substances that he's peddling."

Regulus raised his eyebrows. " _Lupin_? Are you out of your mind? Lupin isn't the sort."

"You'd be surprised," Severus muttered.

"Oh, come on, Severus, you're out after curfew. Whatever you're up to, you ought to be more careful. What if it had been Lupin who caught you, instead of me?"

Oh, what if it _had_ been? Severus thought of the space between Goddard and Lupin, the way Goddard had leaned towards Lupin, the way he'd grabbed Lupin's arse.

"Severus? Are you all right? Stop scowling like that, you know I'm not going to assign you detention." He smirked. "Come on, let's go back to the common room. I'll bet everyone else has gone to bed."

"What were you doing up here?" Severus asked, suddenly suspicious.

"I'm on rounds, idiot," Regulus said. "But we might as well go have a bit of fun. It's almost time for my rounds to be over."

Severus let Regulus drag him back downstairs. Though he kept watching for Lupin, he didn't expect he would see him. Maybe the werewolf had realised someone saw him with Goddard. Or maybe he just didn't have someone to take up there with him tonight. In any case, Regulus' words promised Severus would have to resort to wanking tonight. Severus was smirking by the time they let themselves into the common room.

He'd worry about blackmailing Lupin later.

* * *

"Come on, no one saw us."

Crouched behind a very large Devil's Snare while he tried to harvest Bloodflowers for his latest potion experiment, Severus froze. He recognised that hoarse voice. A moment later someone giggled, and Severus lifted his head so quickly he banged it on the bottom of the potting table. Myrtle was right, it _was_ a girl.

Rubbing at his head, Severus leaned out slowly, peering around the plant. Yes, there was Lupin, his robes hanging open in front to show off the fact that his top button was undone and his tie pulled a little loose. Behind him was a Hufflepuff girl--Bennett? Severus thought her name was Bennett--whose uniform skirt had obviously been rolled up at the waist. _Please, what an obvious ploy_ , he thought contemptuously.

Except...it was obviously working, he realised, as Lupin turned to give her a charming grin. The werewolf ran a hand through his hair, the sleeve of his robe falling down to display a nicely muscled forearm. Well, of course, just because the werewolf had some strange kind of animal magnetism--he fought down a snicker--didn't mean he was clever enough to see through things like that.

Bennett giggled and shrugged out of her school robe, draping it over her arm casually. "Have you...I mean..." She tilted her head down and looked up at Lupin through her eyelashes. "I know you've been with Tommy, but...have you been with a girl before?"

Severus' eyes widened. _Tommy_? That wasn't Goddard's first name. Tommy Carnford was a seventh year Hufflepuff, though.

Lupin gave her a smile that managed to be both shy and promising. _Merlin, how does he do it_? Severus wondered.

"I...well, one or two," he murmured. She smiled, and Lupin took her hand. "Come on, there's a nice little nook out between here and Greenhouse Five. I--I go there sometimes to read."

_Right, to read_ , Severus thought scornfully. He drew back a little as Lupin led Bennett down the aisle of the greenhouse and outside. Ignoring the nip he got from the Bloodflower, Severus cast a Disillusionment on himself and pressed himself against the wall of the greenhouse, staring.

Lupin was bending his head to meet her uplifted face, his arms going around her in an enveloping embrace. Severus wondered whether Lupin really liked being with girls as much as boys--and if he'd really only been with one or two. He drew in a breath as Bennett pressed against Lupin, her arms sliding up his chest to wind around his neck. Lupin's arms fit easily around her waist, pulling her against him, making her skirt ride up just a little to display a line of bare skin above her stockings. Severus licked his lips.

After a few minutes of passionate snogging, Lupin pulled away enough to spread his robe on the ground and lower her on top of it. Severus' breathing quickened as Lupin slid his hands up her thighs, pushing her skirt until it was pooled around her hips on the ground, her light yellow knickers exposed to the world. Lupin lowered his mouth to her neck as she arched her head back, her mouth open.

Severus realised he had his hand pressed down against his cock. Bloody hell, he was hard _again_ from watching Lupin with someone. This had to stop.

Bennett made a low cry and Severus turned his attention back to the couple in front of him. Lupin's fingers had pushed her knickers aside and were moving--Oh _God_. Severus slid his hand into his own trousers, fumbling for his cock. This was ridiculous, it had to stop, but oh, Merlin, the expression of bliss on Bennett's face, because of _Lupin_ \--it was irresistible. He stroked himself quickly, wanting to get it over with before they were done so he wouldn't be caught.

Then Lupin fumbled with his trousers, and Severus gasped, his hand stilling for a moment. Would he be able to see-- But Lupin shifted to kiss Bennett again, and then she gave another, louder cry, their bodies moving together.

"Fuck," Severus muttered, watching as Lupin's body, still mostly clothed, curved over her, thrusting slowly and steadily. Severus couldn't hold himself to that slow pace. His hand flew on his cock as Lupin's hand slipped back between their bodies, making Bennett begin to keen. Severus bit his lip and tensed, then went weak in the knees as he came messily in his trousers.

Breathing hard, he slumped to his knees for a minute, his attention dropping off the couple outside the greenhouse. When he caught his breath, he slid his hand out, did some cleaning charms, and went back to his Bloodflower plant to gather his specimen and satchel.

_It doesn't mean anything, I would've done that for any two people_ , he thought resentfully. _All right, maybe not Potter and Evans, but anyone else. Doesn't matter that it's Lupin, the bastard. I hope she tells everyone he's a lousy fuck._ He ignored the auditory evidence to the contrary and consoled himself with the thought of the Hufflepuff notice board covered with parchments listing all of Lupin's numerous faults.

* * *

Remus kept his gaze on his Arithmancy text for as long as he could manage, but he couldn't ignore the draw of the only other person who was left in the library this late on a Friday night. Eventually his eyes wandered off the diagrams up across the tables to the greasy hair that spilled down to hide Snape's face. What was it, Remus wondered, that made the Slytherin so fascinating? Why did Snape sit with his shoulders hunched in like that, and why did he always wear his school robes, even outside of class? How could he ignore the rest of the world so completely, and yet be so ridiculously fast with his hexes?

_Except when he's surprised_ , reminded a quiet voice in his mind. _James and Sirius can get the drop on him sometimes._

At least they'd toned things down since last year, when Snape found out about Remus being a werewolf. It had been one of Remus' conditions of forgiving Sirius for almost getting Snape killed. It was certainly far less than what he _should_ do, but he'd been able to convince James--and through him, Sirius--that if they made Snape too angry, he could always just 'accidentally' let Remus' secret slip. Sirius had groused that they ought to just Obliviate Snape, but fortunately Peter had pointed out that none of them were good enough to be sure they wouldn't do real damage. (Sirius, predictably, hadn't cared, but at least James had realised that damaging Snape permanently was a good way to get expelled.)

Snape shifted and Remus jerked his gaze back down to his Arithmancy. His quill had been dripping ink all over his parchment, and the last two figures were irreparably smeared. With a sigh, Remus pulled out another piece of parchment and started copying out his homework again. After a while his quill started scratching, and finally he glanced up at Snape again self-consciously.

Snape was glaring at him, but turned quickly when Remus looked up. Heat spread across Remus' cheeks, but he thought that was a hopeful sign. He glanced over at Madam Pince, then said softly, "Sorry. Can't figure out why it's scratching."

Snape looked up, his expression surprised. "What?"

"My quill," Remus said, smiling apologetically. "I'm not sure what made it start scratching like that."

"Why don't you just quit writing, then?" Snape suggested, his lip curling. "Some of us are trying to concentrate."

Remus glanced around, then laughed. "What, you and Madam Pince?"

Snape stood up and began stuffing his homework into his satchel, every line in his body indicating fury. "Piss off, Lupin," he snarled.

Remus sat up straighter. "Wait, Snape, I didn't mean--"

"Just because you're the Headmaster's darling, the little pet _animal_ all set to leave Hogwarts with a fancy education, don't think anyone else is interested in giving you any special treatment." Snape pushed the last of his things into his bag and began to thread his way between tables.

"Wait, Snape," Remus repeated, standing up and taking a few steps to intercept him. "Look, please don't go--I was just making conversation."

"Get your hands off me, _werewolf_!" Snape hissed, jerking his arm away from Remus' touch. "And stay away."

He strode away, his school robes swirling behind him. Madam Pince looked up as he passed her, then turned her head to frown at Remus.

Looking down, he went back to gather up his own things. It was almost curfew, anyway, and really half the draw of revising in the library was the chance that he might see Snape.

As he made his way along the passages, Remus didn't meet anyone else's gaze. Usually it made him feel cool and mysterious and even a little powerful, catching someone's sideways glance and returning it with a sly little smile. After all, being a werewolf had few perks, aside from the way his injuries healed so quickly. The days of illness after the full moon, the way he had to work extra hard to catch up every month in all his classes, the possibility of getting away from his friends and hurting or killing someone--there had to be a flip side to all that, didn't there? And this year, since turning eighteen, he'd finally discovered a few of those perks.

He'd learned how to hide in a group, how to be mild-mannered and unobtrusive, while acting friendly and open. It was a defence mechanism to keep people from suspecting he had secrets he needed to keep. But after Lily's friend Marlene had called him cute over the Easter Hols, he'd discovered that people found him intriguing. There was something about him--what he wryly thought of as the mystique of the Dark creature--that drew people. There was something different about Remus Lupin, and that otherness translated easily into sex appeal.

Of course, he'd realised early on that turning that sex appeal on the right person was going to be a challenge that could take weeks or even months (or years? Please, God, not years!) to come to fruition. Ever since the Shrieking Shack Incident, Snape had been even more hostile and withdrawn around Remus than he ever had. On good days, he ignored Remus. On bad days, he tripped him or hexed him or hissed nasty epithets like _werewolf_ and _flea-bitten cur_ and _beast_ at him. It was a sad state of affairs, Remus thought, when the person you most wanted to be with ignored you on the _good_ days.

But there was nothing saying Remus couldn't practice in the meantime. He'd started with the Ravenclaws, because he had a few friends in his Arithmancy lesson who were Ravenclaws, and he'd noticed one of them (Gregory, tall and lanky, with a mop of curly blond hair) had been shooting him looks that seemed to be the sort of looks Remus often shot at the oblivious Snape. His early fumblings with Gregory had provided a modicum of familiarity with sex and eventually led to Ravenclaw prefect Joannie Harcourt, who had suggested he talk to Goddard.

Goddard, in retrospect, had been a mistake, of sorts. Goddard had decided he was in love with Remus, and Remus didn't quite have the heart to tell him to naff off, so every fortnight or so, he ended up in the prefect's bath with Goddard, listening to flowery declarations he couldn't quite return. Then again, he also got to be very good at blow jobs, so it wasn't a total loss.

Then again, if tonight's violent rebuff was anything by which to judge, Remus was never going to get the chance to demonstrate _any_ of his hard-earned talents to Severus any time soon.

With a sigh, Remus altered his route to detour past the kitchens. He would take a pot of cocoa and a plate of biscuits back and see who was still awake in Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

"I'm not sure what made it start scratching like that," Severus muttered, stomping down the stairs to the dungeons. He scrunched up his face and clutched his satchel to his side. _"I'm not sure what made it start scratching like that."_

What the bloody hell was that about? If someone was working in the library, they were there to _work_ , not make insipid small talk with werewolves! What had possessed Lupin to try to have a conversation with Severus?

A niggling voice in the back of his mind said that if Severus had bothered to stick around instead of poncing off in a snit, he might've found out. Severus shoved a metaphorical sock in the niggling voice's metaphorical mouth and turned a corner, nearly getting knocked off his feet when he ran into Avery.

"What are you doing?" Severus snarled, reeling backwards and trying to regain his balance.

"Merlin, calm down, Snape," Avery grunted, rubbing at his chest. "Just going down to the kitchens."

Severus huffed. "Well, watch where you're going."

Avery laughed and gave him a mostly-friendly shove as they passed each other, and Severus went back to snarling mentally about Lupin.

Lupin had been friendly. Severus had seen the way Lupin was around other people-- _handsome_ people. Obviously Lupin only wanted fit blokes to snog in bathrooms. Otherwise he would surely have made some sly come-on instead of saying something idiotic about a scratchy quill.

Severus let himself into the Slytherin common room, wanting to destroy something. Unfortunately there weren't any firsties still out of bed, so he stood in the entrance, seething for a few minutes, before he saw Regulus sprawled comfortably in front of the fire. He went over and planted the toe of his boot none-too-gently in Regulus' ribs.

Regulus woke with a grunt and flailed his hand into the fire, which made Severus snicker. Swearing, Regulus stuck his hand in his mouth and glared at his friend.

"Oh, here," Severus said, drawing his wand and reaching for Regulus' hand. He whispered a spell of his own devising over it and watched in satisfaction as it healed. "There, better?" he murmured, lifting the hand to brush his lips along the newly smooth skin.

"I suppose," Regulus said, his voice sulky. "The fuck did you kick me for?"

"Bloody Lupin," Severus muttered. He turned Regulus' hand over and licked the palm, which made him jump. Smirking at him, Severus closed his lips over Regulus' index finger.

"Oh, Merlin, Severus, you're forgiven," Regulus breathed, his eyes fastened on Severus'. There, who cared about Lupin, anyway? Severus had a beautiful Slytherin to get off with, after all. He sucked a little, then pulled away. Regulus had a drugged sort of expression on his face, which was gratifying. Severus shifted to push him back down on the carpet, crawling over on top of him.

"You know, if you lie around in the common room like this, you're just asking for trouble," Severus murmured.

"Mmm, exactly what sort of--ohhh--trouble are you--mmm..." Regulus was remarkably passive when Severus did this. It always made him wonder if there were other people Regulus allowed this liberty, or if this were solely his privilege. It didn't mean anything, certainly not to Regulus, whom they both knew would be marrying some pretty pureblood in order to continue the Black family name. But it was nice while it lasted, anyway.

Eventually Severus sat up, brushing Regulus' fringe out of his eyes. "I want you to do me a favour," he said, letting a smile creep across his face.

"Mmm, anything," Regulus said, stretching out like a cat. His eyes were just the barest glitter underneath hooded lids.

Severus' smile widened and twisted. "I want you to seduce Remus Lupin."

There was a moment of silence as Severus' hand continued to stroke over Regulus' smooth, bare chest. Then Regulus screeched, "What?!"

Severus began to laugh.

Regulus smacked his hand away. "You've gone round the bend, Severus!" he snapped.

Severus laughed for a few minutes more. "I assure you, I'm quite serious," he said, tilting his head slightly. "I think you'll find it's much easier than you expect."

"I'm not going to seduce anyone," Regulus declared. "Wouldn't even bloody know how. You're the one seduced me, after all."

"As if you could call that seduction," Severus said. "If I recall correctly, I was waiting for you to finish your shower after the match against Ravenclaw and offered to take care of that for you."

Regulus glared at him. "Yes, well, exactly. Which I don't think is going to work on Lupin. Why would I want to shag _him_ , anyway, one of my brother's idiot friends."

Severus arched a brow. "Well, he _is_ one of your brother's idiot friends," he repeated, smirking. "Think that through, darling boy. Wouldn't it drive your dear brother absolutely mad if he ever found out you'd _had_ one of his friends? One of the vaunted Marauders who would all die for each other in the epitome of manly devotion?"

Regulus snorted. "I think you've been spending too much time around Avery. You're starting to talk like him."

Severus shrugged, watching him.

"Still, you're right. Sirius would do his nut if he thought Lupin was queer. Of course, I would only have done it to prove Lupin wants cock, it wouldn't actually mean anything to me." He grinned at Severus, that delightful boyish grin he hadn't lost, even after his brother's abandonment.

"Precisely."

"So...what's in it for you?"

Bugger. What _was_ in it for him? "I very much want to humiliate Lupin. What better way? Besides, I must confess to a certain curiosity. Would one of the Marauders ever be low enough to get off with a Slytherin? Admit it, I'm being nice. I could've suggested Pettigrew."

Regulus made a gagging noise. "Rat-faced little wanker. I wouldn't let Pettigrew within ten feet of my prick."

Severus snickered. "Go on, then. What do you say?"

"All right, I'll do it. Purely as a favour to you, of course, and to get at Sirius. It isn't as though I think Lupin's at all attractive."

"There's a good little Slytherin."

Regulus punched him, and Severus laughed. Lupin would go for Regulus, no question about it. Reg was pretty and clever and quite popular. There was no way Lupin would be able to say no.

* * *

"Here, hold on," Remus panted, getting a hand between his chest and Regulus'. He was trying very hard to ignore the way the suds had drifted away from their corner of the prefects' bath. If he looked for too long at Regulus' lean, graceful body, he found himself distracted. "Look, Reg, have you ever done this before?"

"Course I have," Regulus scoffed, but his blue eyes were still a little too wide.

Remus pulled away a little further. "God, Sirius would kill me," he murmured.

"I don't fucking _care_ about my brother!" Regulus snarled, and Remus flinched.

"Sorry, sorry," he murmured. "Look, sorry, I just--this is a little weird."

Regulus' cheeks flushed and he pushed Remus away. "What, because I'm your best mate's brother, or because I'm just a pale imitation of what you really want?"

Remus stared at him for a minute, then laughed. Well, yes, Regulus was, in a way, a pale imitation of Severus. But he knew very well that wasn't what the younger boy meant. "No, you idiot, I'm not lusting after your brother," he said, smiling a little. He lifted a hand to brush Regulus' hair away from his face. "God, you're so beautiful."

Regulus' eyes widened a little again, then he looked down. Remus wondered if he wasn't used to being told that. He wondered, too, how far Regulus had really gone. He sighed.

"Look, I need to know, so I don't hurt you. I’m not going to call this off if you've never. I just want to do it right." He shouldn't. Sirius really would kill him, if he ever found out about this. But Regulus _was_ gorgeous, and he was Remus' first Slytherin. Perhaps he could get Regulus to put in a good word with Snape for him.

Regulus sighed. "All right," he mumbled, "I've done a lot of messing about, right? But never--you know. No one's ever touched... _that_ bit."

Remus shook his hair back from his face and studied Regulus for a minute. "Do you really want that?" He reached out, curving a hand behind Regulus' hip and pulling gently. "C'mere. Are you really queer, Reg?"

Dear God, Regulus coloured prettily. "Don't know. I've only ever got off with one person. But...well, you're handsome, and...I thought you might know--about this."

"Yeah, I know about this," Remus said, grinning faintly. "Listen, you stop me if you don't like something, all right?" He pulled again. "Come here."

He guided Regulus down onto his lap facing him, and kissed him deeply, one hand stroking the delicious curve of back while the other tangled in dark hair. _The same colour as Severus'_ , he thought before he could catch himself. "You're lovely," he breathed in Regulus' ear, and kissed him again. Eventually, as Regulus relaxed under his attention, he stroked his one hand lower and lower until he was caressing a nicely-rounded arse. After another while his other hand worked its way down to tug and massage Regulus' erection.

This really was wonderful. After a while he adjusted how they were sitting so they could grind their erections against each other while his fingers teased and probed gently at Regulus' arsehole. By that time he'd managed to get Regulus so--well, not relaxed, because they were both moaning and panting--so say _eager_ , that there was no protest when Remus' finger finally slid inside. He quested around for a while until Regulus cried out and arched against him. Smiling in satisfaction, Remus stroked Regulus' prostate as they frotted against each other, and after that it was hardly any time at all before he felt Regulus pulsing and coming between them.

He held Regulus for some time, surprised at how slight he felt against Remus, and stroking his back as he shuddered through the last of the aftershocks. It was a nice feeling, he thought, to be part of this. Not that he'd expected to hate shagging Regulus, but he hadn't expected it to be this lovely. He rested his cheek against the dark head and found himself thinking of Severus again.

What would it be like if this were Severus in his lap? Would Severus like what he'd just done for Regulus, or would Severus be the one who wanted to do the penetrating? Or maybe Severus wouldn't like mucking about with that at all. The one thing Remus didn't think plausible was that Severus could be straight. Then again, you never could tell. He wouldn't have really expected Regulus to be anything _but_ straight, considering the family he'd grown up in.

"Re--Lupin? Didn't you get off?"

Remus stirred. Regulus, he reminded himself. Not Severus. "I was a little busy taking care of you," he teased, letting a little smile spread across his face.

Regulus flushed. "God, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise, I enjoyed it," Remus said truthfully. "It's really hot, watching someone get off like that." He shifted a little so Regulus could feel how hard he still was.

"Do you want me to take care of that?" Regulus offered. "I'm good at that, according to--um, my friend."

Remus tried not to look curious about this friend of Regulus'. He couldn't be having it off with Snape, could he? Instead he pushed himself up onto the edge of the bath. "Sure, if you want to," he said, making his voice kind. That offer told him they'd done all Regulus wanted to, whether or not Regulus knew how Remus had _hoped_ to take care of 'that'. Anyway, Regulus had a lovely mouth, and Remus wasn't greedy.

He leaned back on his hands while Regulus sucked him off, tilting his head back and imagining Severus doing this instead. It probably wasn't quite cricket, but Remus couldn't make himself care when--oh, God, warm lips closing on his cock, agile tongue flickering across the head, incredibly confident fingers massaging his bollocks--

Remus _thought_ he at least managed not to gasp Severus' name when he came.

* * *

Severus leaned back against the sun-warmed stone wall and yawned. Beside him, Regulus was chattering contentedly about how glad he was term was nearly over, and how he was sure to get Head Boy next year, and Severus would come visit him over the hols, wouldn't he? Severus made the appropriate noises when he needed to and slitted his eyes to disguise the fact that he was watching one half of the Marauders instead of listening to his best mate.

He'd already been careful to ascertain that Potter and Black were well occupied down at the Quidditch pitch (in a not-terribly-friendly all-house pick-up game) before settling down here. Lupin and Pettigrew, though, for whatever reason, were loafing here in the third-floor courtyard, where the stones soaked up the sun and provided the perfect place to bake out all the chill damp from the dungeons. At least, that was why Severus liked it, and he assumed that was why there were usually so many Hufflepuffs lingering here, as well. He couldn't imagine why a select number of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws made their way here, since Lily had always said--before she stopped speaking to him--that Gryffindor Tower got unbearably hot at times during summer term.

Lupin shook out a fag and lit it with a snap of his fingers. It was a neat trick, and that instantly got Severus wondering if he could do that, as well. Was it like the sex spells, where you weren't expected to have a hand on your (wooden) wand while you were getting it off? Or was it enough just to have your wand in your pocket while you did the nonverbal charm? Did Lupin use the general fire spell, or was it a localised one just to spark? Severus' mind pored over the possibilities as he watched Lupin turn his head and grin at something Pettigrew had said.

They both laughed, and after a minute Lupin slung an arm across Pettigrew's shoulders. It was an easy, affectionate gesture that Severus instantly envied. He had never been that easy with anyone, even Regulus, though he did feel more relaxed around Reg than around anyone else. Pettigrew leaned against Lupin for a moment, then Lupin jumped and squirmed. He appeared at first to have swallowed his fag, or else dropped it down his shirt front, but then Severus saw Pettigrew's fingers crooked at Lupin's ribs. Lupin was laughing.

Eventually the Gryffindors settled down and Lupin inhaled deeply from his cigarette, then offered it to Pettigrew. Pettigrew took a few puffs and handed it back. Severus wondered if that had been the last one, or if the werewolf was naturally frugal.

"You're not even listening to me!" Regulus' shrill annoyance got Lupin's attention, as well as Severus'. He watched through his lashes as Lupin looked up, registered the presence of his best mate's younger brother, and coloured. Severus let a smirk touch his lips as he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Regulus.

"Sorry, what?"

Regulus hit him in the chest with his school tie. "You fell asleep. You haven't even been paying any attention to me."

"Mmm, I wasn't asleep. Of course I'll come visit you over the hols. And I'm certain you'll be Head Boy. You ought to just ask Potter for the pin before he leaves."

Regulus snorted. "Prat." Then he glanced across the courtyard and a sly expression crossed his face. "Oh, or perhaps you're more interested in who's over there, hmm?"

Severus held in a sigh. It was true, he'd got an excellent first-hand account of Lupin's skills, carefully dictated by Regulus so they would have blackmail material if ever needed. But he rather thought it had been a mistake to set Regulus on Lupin. Now Reg seemed to have decided Severus ought to have Lupin, too, and if there was one thing Severus didn't want...

...well, it was _Regulus_ knowing how very much Severus really did want Lupin.

Merlin's bollocks, it was such a sodding mess, and there was nothing, of course, to be done about it. Lupin only wanted pretty blokes (or, Severus supposed, pretty girls), which let Severus out of the running completely.

He almost smiled when he saw that Lily had joined the two Marauders. She was a good enough excuse.

"I don't give a toss about Lily Evans," he told Regulus. Then he tensed as he watched Lily kiss Lupin's cheek and settle down very close beside him, her skirt falling partly across his lap. What in Merlin's name was going on there? He'd thought she had decided to settle down and have her perfect happy little family with Potter.

"Oh, I can see that," Regulus said. There was a smirk in his voice that Severus itched to smack out of it, but any reaction would be enough to please Regulus, so Severus deliberately didn't react.

He yawned again. "Give us a fag, Reg."

"Don't have any. I told you that earlier."

With a shrug, Severus fished one out of his pocket. He wanted desperately to use the apparently wandless charm Lupin had used, but he knew better than to try an experiment in public. Sectumsempra had rendered him nearly naked before he worked out the counterspell, and he still didn't like remembering how things had worked out with Muffliato. He touched the tip of his wand to his cigarette and inhaled, then lay back down, draping one arm over his eyes to block out the sun and resting the hand with the cigarette on his stomach.

"You school-leavers are quite boring," Regulus muttered. "None of you wanting to do anything but lie around and moan about how glad you are NEWTs are finished. Fuck that. I'm going to go find another sixth year to hang about with."

Severus reached out his free hand and curled it around Regulus' ankle. "Don't," he said quietly. "You can hang about with one of your yearmates next term." He turned his head enough to give Regulus the smile he shared with very few people, then took a drag on his cigarette.

"Damn you," Regulus muttered, and sprawled back down next to him.

* * *

Regulus had prefect duties for the first part of the train ride back to London, but Severus had managed to score them a compartment mostly to themselves. Avery had promised to join them later, but he was busy with Alecto at the moment, and Severus didn't really anticipate having his company much. That was fine with Severus. He liked Avery a great deal, but he knew if Avery were around, they would end up listening to him go on about politics, and while Severus was as angry as the next bloke about some of the things going on in the Ministry, he also didn't think that half-bloods were at the heart of all the trouble. Every time he spoke up, of course, he was accused of being biased, and really, the arguments went around in circles and grew very tedious.

Currently Severus was slouched in one of the seats, idly twirling a cigarette in his fingers and reading a book he'd nicked from the Restricted Section two nights previously. He was teasing himself with the thought of the cigarette-- _just another paragraph and I'll have a smoke, just another subsection, just another chapter_. He'd managed to get through two chapters that way, but his attention span was waning.

The compartment door slid open and he jerked in his seat, looking up--and dropped the cigarette. Remus Lupin was coming into his compartment.

The werewolf looked at him for a moment with a guarded expression, then turned his gaze to the cigarette that had rolled across the floor to rest by his foot. Lupin drew his wand and Severus had to strain to check his own automatic motion as Lupin just flicked his wand at the door, then pocketed it again.

"Hello, Snape." Lupin's hoarse voice was low, almost hesitant.

Severus swallowed. "Lupin."

Lupin leaned over and picked up the cigarette, contemplating it as he rolled it between his fingers. He took a few steps in, holding it out.

"Hard to believe we're going home for the last time, isn't it?" he murmured.

Their fingers grazed as Severus snatched the cigarette back. Severus stuck the cigarette in his mouth, then rubbed his fingertips against his trousers. He couldn't think of anything to say, so he just shrugged.

Lupin smiled, a brief flash of teeth, his eyes lowered to shake out a cigarette of his own. "Light that for you?"

Severus shook his head and snapped his fingers. It lit both their cigarettes, and Lupin's glance darted back up to Severus' face.

"Thanks."

"What are you doing in here?" Severus demanded as Lupin pulled open the window and leaned on it to let the cigarette smoke out.

"I wanted to see you."

The admission was so low that at first Severus thought he must have imagined it. Then, as the words penetrated his mind, a slow thrill went through him, hot and then cold.

"Don't you have other people to bother?" He stood up and leaned on the window, too, taking a long drag on his cigarette.

"I suppose I could. But I got to thinking, and I realised...this is it."

Severus glanced at him, unwilling to admit his curiosity, but hoping he would continue. He also hoped the thudding of his heart wasn't somehow audible to werewolves.

Lupin inhaled slowly, watching Severus from under lowered eyelids. "I've been thinking about this for a long time--since fifth year, I suppose, off and on."

Severus flicked ash out the window, not looking away from Lupin's face. Those Firewhiskey-coloured eyes were riveting, up close.

"I know you've been angry at me for a long time, too," Lupin admitted. He tilted his head, watching Severus through his fringe, then glancing away. "I'm really very sorry about all that. I should have done more, sooner, to get them to lay off you."

"A bit late to think of that now," Severus snarled. He scraped his tongue against his teeth behind closed lips, trying to get a piece of tobacco off.

"I know," Lupin admitted. "So perhaps it makes me a fool for what I'm about to suggest."

Severus' mouth went dry. Oh, God, here it was. Lupin was finally, _finally_ , going to ask _him_. His heart jolted against his ribcage and he wondered what would be the most satisfactory way to say no. Or...his stomach flip-flopped...or could he say _yes_? How would he even go about saying yes? He lifted a hand that was suddenly shaking to take another drag on his cigarette.

"I know we might never see each other again," Lupin admitted. "But I don't like that thought. Somehow I can't quite imagine..." He trailed off, then shrugged, finished off his cigarette, and said, "I'd really like it if we could be friends, Snape. Severus. We have a lot in common, I--I know we could get on--"

He broke off then, because Severus had just thrown his cigarette out the window and drawn his wand. Severus' hand was still shaking, but suddenly it was rage that made it do so, instead of nerves.

"Friends." Severus spat the word in a low voice, feeling as if his eyes should be able to burn holes in Lupin's skull. "You want to be _friends_. After seven years of your mates tormenting me every chance they got, after three years of your doing _nothing_ to stop them, even with your so called position of responsibility as a prefect, after nearly _eating_ me last year, _you want to be friends_." His voice, too, was shaking, though it was still low and dangerous.

Lupin backed away, his expression frozen, his eyes focussed on Severus' wand.

"You think some paltry 'oh, we've left school, we're nearly grown up now' speech is going to make me want to spend time with you?" Severus' voice rose a little. "You think I would _ever_ willingly subject myself to your vapid, falsely cheerful presence? You think you could ever do _anything_ that would make you anything more than _repulsive_ in my eyes?" He was nearly shouting, and Lupin's expression had gone from frozen, through wary, to alarmed.

Lupin bumped into the compartment door and splayed his hands against it for a moment.

"I'm sorry!" he cried, staring at Severus, who felt pleased that the werewolf's brooding sexuality had been shattered.

"GET OUT!" Severus howled. "GET OUT!"

Lupin scrabbled behind him, got the door, and fairly fell through the opening in his haste to get away. Severus watched him retreat down the corridor for a moment, then slammed the door shut and stalked over to hang out the window again.

The wind from their passage tore tears from his eyes as he fumbled out another cigarette and lit it. After a minute, he lowered his head to bury his face in his hand.

His mostly-neglected cigarette had burned his fingers and been cast aside when the compartment door slid open again. He didn't bother to turn. He didn't have the energy to shout any more, though, so his voice was dull when he spoke.

"I thought I told you to get out."

"And here I thought you'd snagged this compartment so you and I would have a bit of time alone." It was Regulus' cheerful voice, and Severus suddenly wished his friend would fall off the end of the train. He said nothing. "Here, Severus, are you all right? Has someone been in here?"

Severus rubbed his hand across his face and lifted his head, staring out the window. "Obviously, or I wouldn't have told him to get out."

Footsteps, and then Regulus was pressed against Severus' back, the slender arms winding around him in a gesture Severus couldn't help but think of as protective. "What happened? Shall I go hex someone for you?"

"Don't be stupid." Severus sighed. Merlin, he couldn't wait to be home, where his father would tell him to get a job and his mother would fuss and be glad he was home. He leaned his head back against Regulus'.

"I'll miss you," Regulus offered. "You have to come see me over the hols."

It warmed him. "I already said I would. You will _try_ to stay out of trouble, won't you?"

Regulus' mouth found his ear, the breath warm against his skin. He'd been more affectionate since he'd been with Lupin, Severus noticed. And more interested in getting Severus to touch places that had previously gone untouched in their arrangement. "I'll try," Regulus promised.

 

Remus' hands were shaking badly when he finally burst through the last door on the train and let himself out to hang over the railing and watch the track disappearing behind them. He was grateful Regulus hadn't stopped him after they crashed into each other in the passage. He wouldn't have been able to even pretend to be collected or cool. What had possessed him to think Severus might ever be willing to be his friend?

He sank to his knees, leaning against the railing and digging out another cigarette. He'd thought he had it all worked out, how he would get Severus to agree to have coffee with him sometime. He would draw him into conversation about something, anything--Quidditch, potions, Arithmancy, hell, the weather. Their conversation would go on long after their coffee had been refilled and gone cold. They would find they had more in common than either of them realised. Remus would ask to see Severus again, and Severus would agree before he knew what he was doing. They would make a habit of it, coffee every Tuesday, perhaps, and then eventually that would turn into supper at a pub on Thursday evenings, and then Remus would manage to get tickets to a Clash concert, or maybe the Bee Gees, if Snape went against type and didn't like punk. But Remus had been betting on the Clash, and at some point during the music and dancing, they would collide, and everything would fall into place.

Remus might not be the nine-OWL student that James and Sirius were, but he wasn't stupid. He knew what was waiting for them all as soon as they left school. He knew that Severus' friends Avery and Mulciber would be joining the Death Eaters, if they hadn't already; Avery was always spouting off about politics, no matter who was around to hear him. Remus was afraid Regulus might go that way, too, when he left school; he was so damned eager to please his parents. Who knew, it might be too late for Severus, too. But Remus had made such a practice of studying Severus, he thought not. When given a chance, Severus was clever, cautious, deliberate. Oh, he was good in a duel, as fast as James and Sirius, and fiercer than either of them when cornered. But he didn't _prefer_ to act hastily. So Remus thought Severus hadn't yet decided which way to go on the Voldemort issue.

Either way, it didn't appear Remus would be able to have any impact on Severus' life from here on out. He finally got his cigarette lit and drew in a lungful of smoke, trying to take comfort from it. He curled the fingers of his free hand around one of the iron spindles and lifted the other hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks. So much for the first day of the rest of their lives.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

 

"Quit picking at it, that only makes it hurt worse." Regulus thwapped Severus on the shoulder with the _Daily Prophet_.

"I'm not," Severus muttered, staring down at the scabbed-over burn on his left forearm. This might have been, he thought, the single biggest mistake of his life. The back garden of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, had gorgeous flowers and sculpted bushes, and a fountain in the shape of a Thestral rearing on its hind legs, wings outspread. Severus had always rather liked it, once the elder Black brother had flown the nest. But today the beautiful setting only increased his foul mood.

"Says here another family has vanished," Regulus said. He had disappeared behind the paper again. "Family of Muggle-loving Blood Traitors."

Severus snorted. Blood Traitor--that was a ridiculous term if he'd ever heard one. Then again, he didn't buy into the population crisis everyone had been going on about. After all, he was a half-blood and he still knew more curses than any of his pureblooded friends--knew the ones that existed, and invented the ones that didn't.

Regulus threw his paper down. "This is stupid. You're boring and surly. I don't know why you're even here when you obviously don't want to be."

"Boring and surly? Fuck you, too." Severus lit a cigarette with the trick he'd learned by watching Lupin, which made Regulus' eyes light up. "What? Want one?" He held a cigarette out.

"Yeah, and light it for me, too," Regulus ordered, holding it to his lips.

Severus complied, not sure why he was so excited about a fag. "Has your mum taken away all your ciggies?" he asked in a tone of fake sympathy.

"Piss off. Where'd you learn to light a fag that way?"

Severus shrugged. "Dunno. Must have picked it up somewhere."

"No, I've seen someone do that..." Regulus tilted his head and took a long drag, looking as if he were thinking hard. "Oh, God, yeah, it was Lupin, right after he fucked me."

Severus tensed. "Thought you said he didn't."

"Oh, did I say that?" Regulus blew out a cloud of smoke, his expression too innocent. "Well, he didn't exactly _fuck_ me, that first time. But he did lots of things you and I had never done."

"That first time?" Severus glared at Regulus. "You little rotter, you had him again?"

"Rotter?" Regulus laughed. "Merlin, Severus, you're not jealous, are you? Look, I'm just having a bit of fun." Then he leaned in and patted Severus' hand. "Of course, what you and I have is just a bit of fun, too. It can't ever be any more than that."

"I know that, you imbecile!" Severus stood up and walked away from Regulus, leaning on the edge of the fountain and studying the Thestral's ribs.

"Severus?" Footsteps indicated that Regulus had abandoned his newspaper and his comfortable chair. "Sev..."

"Shut up," Severus muttered. He couldn't explain the burning feeling in his stomach or the way his fingers suddenly itched to slap Regulus' face. Regulus was one of the few people he actually liked...and yet the thought that his so-called friend would go behind his back to fuck Remus Lupin _again_...

"Sev, you aren't angry at me?"

"Piss off, Regulus." He took a last drag on his cigarette and tossed it into the fountain. "I have to go."

* * *

_This is rubbish._ Remus looked around the crowded dance floor of Tir na Nog, trying to find anything--or anyone--to catch his interest. He'd had a lot of luck here this summer, with women and men both, but tonight his heart just wasn't in it.

He sighed and lit a cigarette, cupping his hands to hide the fact that he did it wandlessly. It was a simple enough trick, but it always attracted attention at places like this, and tonight he'd rather avoid that. He didn't even know why he'd come out tonight.

"God, disco sucks." It was a petulant voice that Remus recognised.

"Can't argue with the beat, though," he said, glancing over at the dark-haired young man who'd come up next to him. "Regulus Black. I never thought to find you in a club like this one."

"What, because they let the Mudbloods come here?" Regulus smirked at him. "I don't normally. But I was looking to find someone special tonight, and I know he loves places like this."

Remus raised an eyebrow. _Oh, no, please don't let Regulus be here for me,_ he thought, though he knew it was egotistical. "Anyone I know?"

"Tall, dark, and big-nosed?" Regulus said, turning and glancing across the dance floor. "Have you seen him anywhere?"

Remus' heart jumped a little. "Severus?" he said, turning his attention back to his cigarette and pretending he didn't care about the answer.

Regulus gave him a look.

"True, I don't know anyone else fitting that description," Remus admitted. "I haven't seen him tonight, unfortunately. Why would he like clubs frequented by Mudbloods?" he asked after a moment.

"As if I understand that myself."

Remus turned to inspect Regulus more closely. He was wearing blue robes, but they were cut tight across his chest and open from the waist down to display his tight brown trousers. Gleaming leather boots clung to the well-shaped calves, ending just below his knees.

"You're dressed to charm," Remus said, letting a bit of irony creep into his voice. He was wondering again if Severus had been Regulus' first lover. He couldn't suppress the jealousy that thought brought back, even though he kept trying to forget about Severus.

"Fuck you," Regulus said, with little rancour in his voice. "Give me that," he said, reaching for Remus' cigarette. Surprised, Remus let him have it, watching Regulus' graceful fingers pluck it from his and lift it to the perfectly-curled sneer.

"Do you practice looking so superior?" he asked.

"It doesn't take practice, Lupin." Regulus tilted his head, watching him.

Remus shook out another cigarette, because he obviously wasn't getting his own back. Regulus watched, fascinated, as Remus snapped his fingers to light it.

"Is Severus really here?" Remus couldn't seem to help himself.

Regulus blew a steady stream of smoke at Remus. "Why do you care? Didn't you and my brother make him miserable enough while you were school?"

"I've been trying to make up for that," Remus said.

"Right. Did you learn that trick from him?"

"What trick? The one with the flame?" Remus laughed. "No, this one I made up on my own. It seems to be making the rounds, though. I thought you must have taught it to Severus."

Regulus turned his head quickly, his blue eyes narrowed. "When have you had a smoke with Severus?" he asked, and his voice sounded almost jealous.

"On the train on the way home," Remus said carelessly. "It wasn't anything, he threw me out of the compartment once we'd finished." He peered at Regulus. "Are you dressed like that for Severus?"

"Why, jealous?" Regulus fired back. His cheeks looked pink in the dim light. "You were the one who said what we did was a one-time thing."

Remus raised his eyebrows, feeling his own face heat. He _was_ jealous, but not the way Regulus meant. He sighed. "Just curious," he said, turning back to look across the dance floor and taking a drag on his cigarette.

Suddenly a jolt of shock and desire went through him. Severus _was_ here. He lifted his head, staring at Severus hungrily. It had been nearly three months since the horrible train ride home, and he hadn't seen Severus since. God, he looked good. His dark hair hung down to his shoulders, framing his face, which looked slightly less annoyed than usual. He was dressed in black, but his shirt had an open v-neck, showing off his collarbones, and his trousers were tight. He hadn't seen Remus.

Then the crowd closed again and Remus lost sight of him. He sighed and slumped a little, wondering if he had the stones to go looking for him.

He'd forgotten about Regulus. "See something you like?" The Slytherin's voice was snide, and Remus had a feeling Regulus knew exactly whom Remus had seen.

He glanced over at Regulus, and his suspicions were confirmed. Regulus was smirking at him, a nasty gleam in his eyes. "Piss off," Remus muttered, and Regulus laughed.

"I could put in a good word for you," he offered, his voice sly now. "Might make him think about it, anyway."

"Leave me alone, Regulus." It wasn't as if it mattered, anyway. Severus had made it clear he didn't want Remus. He had to get over this. 

He reached for his drink and couldn't find it. He turned, disbelieving, and stared at the empty table. Someone had taken his drink. Swearing under his breath, he walked away from Regulus and went back to the bar for another. He might not have felt like it earlier, but now he felt the urge to drink far too much and lose himself in the dancing. He could find someone with dark hair to snog and maybe they'd go to the back to get off quickly, or perhaps they'd go back to the person's flat and take their time. It didn't matter; if he were pissed enough he wouldn't have any trouble pretending it was Severus.

He ordered a silver bullet, liking the irony, though when he tried to pay for it, the barman waved his Sickles away, saying someone had already paid. Remus raised his eyes to see if he could find the person who had, but no one was looking his way. Odd, but not entirely unusual. He'd had people ply him with a drink or two before speaking to him. He shrugged and turned around, leaning against the bar and sipping his drink, to check out the talent.

"Why d'you want Severus?" Regulus demanded. "You could have dozens of others. You _have_ had dozens of others--me included. Why would you go after Severus, knowing what you do?"

Remus turned his head, surprised that Regulus had followed him. "What do I know?" he asked.

Regulus narrowed his eyes, watching him. "The way people treated him at school. The way _you and your friends_ treated him." He tilted his head a little. "He'll never trust you."

"D'you think I don't know that?" Remus burst out. "D'you think I wouldn't give _anything_ to go back and do things over, make things right? Don't you know how _badly_ I wish I hadn't failed him?"

His only response was a stream of smoke blown into his face. "Why are you telling me that?" Regulus said after a while. "Go tell him."

Remus' mouth dropped open, but Regulus just waved his cigarette in the direction of the dance floor. Turning, Remus saw Severus again. This time, the other man had definitely seen them. Remus felt his face soften a little in a smile. He tossed back the rest of his drink and thrust the glass blindly at Regulus, then started towards Severus.

* * *

Severus had come to the club expecting to see Lupin. He'd been there every weekend he could manage it, hiding in dark corners, watching Lupin make his conquests, unable to make himself stop, but unable to approach Lupin. He'd had offers himself, but he hadn't been interested in those, so much. He'd taken a few men up on them, enough that he knew what he was doing now. But it was Lupin he couldn't stop watching, and he refused to admit to himself what that might mean.

What he _hadn't_ expected was to see _Regulus_ at the club. It wasn't a purebloods-only, for one thing, and for another, he hadn't spoken to Regulus for over a fortnight, since their row. But there was Lupin, and there was Regulus, talking to Lupin, the two of them smoking and looking casual together. He could see the tension in Regulus' stance, but he couldn't read what was behind it. Was Reg there to seduce Lupin _again_? And would it really take all that work?

Severus snorted and looked down to light a fag, then looked back up--and Lupin was looking back at him. Severus caught his breath. He'd noticed before how those Firewhiskey-coloured eyes were riveting, up close. He realised suddenly that they were just as riveting from across a crowded room. He couldn't so much as look away as Lupin began moving towards him, despite how badly he wanted to flee.

Lupin threaded his way between the dancers with incredible grace and ease, his denim-clad hips moving to the beat as if he were dancing himself instead of walking. Severus' mouth went dry. He hastily finished his cigarette, then licked his lips and Vanished it as Lupin came to stand in front of him.

They didn't speak. Severus was still running words through his mind, trying frantically to think of something to say when Lupin's hands came up to frame his face, holding him still. He tensed, eyes widening, but then Lupin's mouth was on his, and he discovered he didn't have to say anything at all.

He parted his lips, letting Lupin control the kiss, partly because he was too stunned for anything else, and partly because he wanted Lupin to prove he wanted this. After a moment, though, he couldn't hold back a soft moan, and then he wound an arm around Lupin's waist. He slid his tongue into Lupin's mouth, licking his teeth and teasing the roof of his mouth and then pulling back to suck on Lupin's lower lip. Lupin was pressed against him, his hips moving against Severus'. Severus lifted his free hand to pull Lupin's hair, and the Gryffindor moaned into the kiss.

Finally they pulled apart, both breathless. Severus' chest heaved as he stared at Lupin, astonished by the glow in those golden eyes.

"I've wanted to do that--God! For forever," Lupin said. A smile curled his lips. "Severus, I--"

"Don’t bloody talk," Severus snarled, pressing his palm against Lupin's mouth. "Just take me somewhere we can fuck."

Not elegant by any stretch, but effective. Lupin's expression blanked, and then a smile spread slowly across his face. "All right," he murmured, and put his arms around Severus. A moment later they were standing in the middle of a dark flat.

Lupin murmured the light spell and took half a step backwards. "Would you like some Ogden's Old?"

"I would _like_ to shag," Severus said, injecting as much ire into his voice as he could. Why couldn't Lupin shut up and stop talking and just fuck? He didn't seem to have that trouble with other people.

_It's because you're ugly and you know it,_ murmured the little voice in his head. _Why's he even doing this?_ Shut up, shut up, Severus thought fiercely in reply, and moved forward, kissing Lupin hard.

The werewolf exhaled in surprise, but he pulled Severus close, returning the kiss with passion. It was gratifying, the way he clutched at Severus sliding his hand down Severus' back to cup his arse. Severus groaned and rubbed his groin against Lupin's, enjoying the jolt of arousal that sent through him. Lupin apparently liked it, too, because he groped Severus' arse firmly and guided them both towards the bed.

In a matter of minutes, shoes were kicked off, shirts peeled away, trousers shucked, until they were naked and horizontal on a bed that consisted of mattress and a thin, harvest gold coloured sheet. Severus was on his back, Lupin arched over him. A hand closed around his cock, stroking quickly, and Severus gasped into Lupin's mouth and raked his fingers down the lean, muscular back, which made Lupin give a muffled cry.

He pulled away. "God!" he panted, staring down at Severus. "Wanted you for so long."

Severus scowled at him. He didn't need pretty lies. He just wanted to have Lupin so he could get over this whole insane obsession. He lifted his head and bit Lupin's lower lip, curling his fingers in the tawny hair. That roused new passion in Lupin, who ran his fingers up to pinch at Severus' nipples, then stroked down his skinny stomach in a way that just barely wasn't tickling.

After a long while of exploring each other's bodies like that, Severus wanted more. He hadn't had Lupin bring him here to snog. He wanted a fuck, and he wanted it over, and he wanted Lupin out of his life and out of his head. He rolled them over so he was on top, straddling Lupin's hips and pressing their erections together.

Lupin gasped, arching up against him. "Oh, Severus!" he breathed, which should have alarmed Severus more than it did. Instead he ignored the use of his given name and leaned down to suck on Lupin's earlobe, scraping his teeth across it and breathing hard. He smirked when he felt Lupin shiver under him.

"I'm going to fuck you," he murmured, his voice throaty. "I want to take you, Lupin."

Lupin's chest hitched, his eyes like pools of Felix Felicis as he gazed upwards. "Oh yes, Severus, please," he gasped, and suddenly Severus felt more confident than he had ever felt before. This was a golden opportunity, and he wasn't going to waste it.

He reached down between them, stroking his hand over both their cocks, liking how Lupin suddenly seemed as if he were completely at Severus' mercy. Lupin's chest was lightly tanned, with a soft scattering of golden-brown hair. Up close, his forearms were criss-crossed by scars, which explained why Severus had only rarely seen him with his sleeves rolled up. His cock was probably average size, a little shorter than Severus' but a little thicker, and it sprang up proudly from a nest of brown curls. Severus licked his lips, then shifted a little to lick the head.

Lupin gasped, arching again, one hand groping upwards over Severus' chest, stroking his skin. It made Severus shiver slightly, and he caught himself almost smiling at Lupin. That wouldn't do. He whispered the charm for lubrication, then the one he'd learned for stretching--the one he'd only recently seen in practice--and slid a finger inside Lupin's arse, loving the way Lupin tensed and whimpered, his mouth slack.

Then he stopped, wondering at it. This wasn't the confident Lupin who had sent Goddard on his way, or the handsome-but-self-effacing Lupin who had taken Bennett behind the greenhouses. He hadn't seen how Lupin acted with Regulus, but he thought it would have to have been more assertive than this. Why had Lupin let Severus do this to him?

"Wha--what are you doing?" Lupin gasped, staring at him. "Why are you stopping?"

Severus frowned. "What's your game, Lupin?" he murmured, narrowing his eyes. "Why do you play at being assertive for all the others, if you won't take charge with me?"

Lupin exhaled sharply, a new light coming into his eyes. "Is that what you want, Severus?" he asked. His chest was still heaving, but suddenly the tilt of his chin seemed less submissive and more...cunning. "You want me to show you how it is?" His lips curled a little. "You're not a virgin, are you?"

"No," Severus replied, though he knew he was still far more virginal than Lupin. "But I don't want you pretending to be something you're not. I've seen enough of that." He sat back, sliding his finger out of Lupin's arse and wiping it on the sheet. "I want the _real_ Lupin."

Lupin smiled suddenly, and it struck Severus that it wasn't an entirely polite smile. Then he was toppling over and Lupin had him pinned against the mattress, one hand on each of Severus' bony shoulders.

"The _real_ Lupin will only answer to his Christian name," he growled, and a thrill went through Severus, ending at his cock.

"What we're doing isn't very Christian," he retorted, pleased that he only sounded a little breathless.

Lupin laughed, but then leaned in, trailing his nose along Severus' jaw, just lightly enough to make Severus' breathing hitch and his neck arch, begging for more. "Say it."

"R-Remus," Severus gasped, arching suddenly as Lupin's fingers played along his ribs.

"Louder," Lupin murmured, pinching at a nipple.

A thrill went through Severus; it was incredibly arousing to have quiet, unassuming Remus Lupin taking the aggressive role, and Severus felt like Goddard and Bennett and all those others must have--as if he were the only person in the world, the sole focus of Lupin's considerable concentration. It took Severus' breath away.

"Remus." Severus reached up, wanting to touch him, but was thrust back down against the bed.

" _Louder_." Lupin's fingers slid down to curl tightly around his bollocks, squeezing just to the edge of pain, then massaging so that hot pleasure shot through him.

"REMUS!" he shouted, arching and letting his legs fall open, not giving a bloody fuck how wanton he looked, as long as Remus bloody touched him.

Lupin was beaming at him, damn the werewolf, beaming at him and swooping down to kiss him hard, while deft fingers worked down to press his opening. Severus felt the spells he had used earlier take hold on him, and another spell that sent cold tingles through him, then Lupin was inside, one finger massaging a spot that was sending tremors through Severus' body in waves. Severus reached up again, and this time Lupin let him wrap his arms tightly around him as they kissed. In a few minutes more, Severus felt the fingers slide out, and then Remus' cock was there instead, pushing in slowly but steadily, until Severus was panting both from the stretch and from need.

"Fuck me, damn you!" he snarled, and Remus laughed and began to move.

It was...incredible. There was no other word. Remus' hands stroked and petted him, Remus' voice praised and encouraged him, Remus' body teased and pleased him. Regulus had always been eager to please, but they'd never gone beyond mutual suck jobs; and the few strangers Severus had fucked had been more interested in quick satisfaction than anything else. Suddenly he had someone focused entirely on his body, on the way their bodies moved together, and it was overwhelming.

He clutched at Remus, crying out as the deep strokes hit his prostate, fingers tangling in the light brown hair. He felt as if he were drowning from the way Remus looked at him, and he couldn't catch his breath. They were both gasping and moaning, Severus' legs locked around Remus' waist, Remus pumping into him, hand flying over Severus' cock.

Suddenly Remus tensed and let out a loud cry and Severus felt heat flood his channel. He tensed automatically, which wrung another groan from Remus. Panting, Severus clenched his muscles again, liking the way Remus' face contorted with pleasure. Then he moaned as Remus' hand began to move on his cock again, thumb flicking over the head. Within a few minutes, Severus came, calling Remus' name.

Remus slipped out of him and lowered himself on top of Severus, smiling at him and kissing him. Severus couldn't seem to stop his arms from going around Remus, stroking over his back and enjoying the play of muscles under his palms. Eventually they caught their breath, but Remus didn't move for a long while. When he did, it was only to shift next to Severus. He kissed Severus' chest, then whispered a cleaning spell.

" _Accio_ blanket," he murmured, and a thick comforter settled over them. Severus was going to protest, but he didn't know where any of his clothes had gone, and he didn't really have the energy to move, anyway. He might as well stay here for now. He closed his eyes.

 

He woke later, confused and a little afraid as he realised something heavy lay across his chest, holding him down. He reached up and encountered a warm arm, and then he remembered. He'd had sex with Remus-- _Lupin_ , he reminded himself. He didn't move again, but he lay stiffly, trying to work out if he could get up and dress without waking the werewolf.

Before he could decide, Lupin shifted a little, then snuggled against him. His face was pressed against Severus' neck, his mouth open so warm breath hit Severus' skin. It was oddly pleasant, Severus thought, but of course it meant nothing.

Severus sighed. He should go. He began to move--but the arm draped over his chest tightened a little, and Lupin snuggled closer. "Mmm, Sev'rs," he murmured, and then, "So hap..."

Severus tensed again. Happy? Lupin was _happy_? What was he playing at? Was he even really asleep? Oh, Merlin, what had Severus done? Did Lupin actually think this was--was something _more_ than a one night stand? His breath came faster. His whole body felt hot. God, this was--no. This couldn't be.

Finally he could take it no longer, and he rolled out from under Lupin's arm, landing in a crouch on the floor. He gathered his clothes by feel and dressed in the dark, then found his wand. With a final, regretful, frightened, longing glance at the still form in the bed, Severus Disapparated.

* * *

"Well, you look all shagged out." Regulus smirked at Severus over a plate of beans and toast, bacon, and mashed potatoes. "Coffee? Am I right in assuming Lupin didn't feed you?"

Severus went still. He shouldn't have come here. "You knew," he said, his voice low. "What did you do, set him on me?"

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Oh, for God's sake, Severus, sit down and have some breakfast. I didn't _set_ him on you. He's wanted you for ages. I only gave him a bit of a nudge."

Severus sat, automatically taking the cup of coffee Regulus shoved at him. He took a gulp, then gasped as it burned all the way down. "He's a fool," he muttered hoarsely.

"What, because he loves you?" Regulus tilted his head. "Perhaps, given the atmosphere in the world these days. And the fact that you've got the Dark Mark on your arm and he's almost certainly a member of my brother's little Dumbledore-worshipping club." He took a bite of food and chewed it carefully. "Then again, he'd be a fool not to love you. I love you, you know. I'd love you more, if I could, but since I can't, I'm willing to let Lupin have you. If he can deserve you somehow."

"Don't be such an _idiot_!" Severus hissed. "He doesn't _love_ me, he _can't_ love me! We're _enemies_!"

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic," Regulus sighed. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, then took a sip of coffee. "Look, do you think I can't tell how much you've been regretting your decision ever since you made it? I'm not stupid, Severus. Well, I am, I suppose, but not about you."

Severus drew himself up. His stomach was churning. "You are _supremely_ stupid if you think it is at all wise to say a thing like that!" he hissed. He did regret his decisions--many of them, as a matter of fact--but there was precious little to be done now.

"Wise?" Regulus snorted. "I don't think any of this is wise, including your falling for a Gryffindor. But you're beyond that now. You might as well give in at this point. For that matter, he can probably help you with the other problems, you know? For God's sake, eat." He tilted his head. "That isn't your shirt. I have _never_ seen you in red, no matter what shade it is."

Severus looked down at himself and discovered, to his horror, that he was wearing Lupin's shirt. "Bloody buggery fucking _hell_!" he snarled. He jumped to his feet...and lost his balance, shocked by the way his stomach rolled. He tilted and flailed an arm to try to catch himself, and then Regulus darted around the table and caught him. Severus tried to feel angry and could hardly manage it over the odd wooziness that was taking over him.

"Shh, Severus," Regulus murmured, lips brushing his ear. "I think you must still be drunk. Why don't you sleep it off."

"Fuck you!" Severus said. "You bloody drugged me!"

"It's for your own good," Regulus said, smiling apologetically as he levitated Severus to a chaise lounge. "I don't want you to do something really stupid that'll bugger your life up forever." His smile turned charming. "We'll talk about this later."

* * *

Remus didn't know why he hadn't expected to wake up alone. He sat in a puddle of bedclothes, knees drawn up to prop his elbows on, and thought bitterly about how happy he'd been all night. Why would he have expected Severus to feel the same way he did? Especially considering how insistent Severus had been that Remus shut up and just fuck him instead of talking.

But why would Regulus have set them up like that? In the harsh light of morning it was easy to see Reg had been goading Remus into admitting he wanted Severus. Perhaps he'd expected Remus to hurt Severus, sending him straight into Regulus' comforting arms.

But that didn't feel right, for some reason. With a sigh, Remus got out of bed and walked naked to the kitchen to make himself some tea. He pulled on a pair of boxers as the kettle heated, then realised there was a black shirt crumpled on his floor. He padded over to pick it up. It was Severus', he could tell from the scent that wafted up from the fabric. He pressed it against his face, breathing in Severus' scent and fighting the tears that wanted to spill over.

_It doesn't matter,_ he told himself. _You've played this game before. It was just another shag._

He shuddered and pulled the shirt on, going over to silence the kettle. It _wasn't_ just another shag, it was _Severus_ , and he couldn't let go of that thought.

The banked fire whooshed and turned green, and Remus jumped. Regulus' head glared at him from the flames.

"Lupin, what did you do to him?" he demanded.

"What? Nothing! We just--is he all right?" Remus' heart was suddenly thudding in his chest as he went to kneel in front of the fire.

"He's not hurt." Regulus frowned. "What happened?"

"Why should I tell you?" Remus demanded. "If it weren't for you, last night wouldn't have happened."

"I am _trying_ to _help_ you, you idiot! I thought you wanted Severus!"

"Of course I did!" Remus retorted. "I do! But I didn't want some meaningless one-off! And now I've ruined everything!"

Regulus looked thoughtful but unsurprised. "I don't know," he said slowly. "He's sleeping right now. He was in a towering rage when he got here, so I drugged him. He'll probably hex me when he wakes up, but at least he'll be angrier at me than he is at you. How far are you willing to go for what you want?"

"As far as it takes," Remus said. He didn't want to think about just how far he would go. "I can't imagine drugging him was a good idea."

"I had to stop him from leaving the country," Regulus pointed out, his voice wry. "I think you can salvage things. It'll require you to fight for it. For Severus." He eyed Remus. "You never did before. I probably shouldn't expect that much from you; frankly I'm a bit sceptical--"

"Look, I think I can worry about that part myself. What do you have in mind?"

Regulus looked at him for another minute, then nodded. "How patient can you be, Lupin? If you've wanted Severus for as long as I think, you can be pretty bloody patient. Am I right?"

Remus swallowed. "Years," he murmured. "I've already wanted him for years. I can wait as long as I have to."

Regulus shook his head, his expression a mixture of amusement and regret. "You're a fucking idiot, you know that, right? There were so many better ways you should have gone about this."

Remus sighed, thinking of fifth year, of Sirius' bloody 'prank' last year, and nodded. "I know."

"And shagging me didn't help, even if it did give me the leverage I needed to find out how he feels about you."

Remus frowned, but Regulus shook his head. "Never mind. Right, this is my plan..."

* * *

Remus leaned against the bar at Tir na Nog, ignoring the blond man who kept giving him come-hither looks. He was just here to watch for Severus, and, failing to see him, to put away as many Silver Bullets or Wooden Stakes as he could. He scrubbed a hand over his hair and sighed. He'd tried to tell Regulus two months ago that this wasn't going to work.

He'd had at least half a dozen owls to Severus returned to him, one of them in pieces, most of them charred. He'd also snapped at Peter to grow up at one point, when his friend said life wasn't as fun without Snivellus to pick on. But he felt no closer to knowing how to find Severus and try to make amends. He'd started hanging about Diagon Alley shops in all his free time, and had even ventured down Knockturn Alley once, but he'd never run into Severus. It was discouraging.

He waved the barman over and gestured for another.

"You've been drinking hard all month, mate. Life that bad?"

"I'm in mourning," Remus muttered. He downed his drink in two long gulps, then made his way towards the door. No sign of Severus again this week. Remus was beginning to think it was time for him to stop trying. Regulus' plan wasn't working, and the war was heating up, and Remus had a feeling his involvement with Regulus and feelings for Severus were both very bad ideas.

He stopped at the edge of the pavement to light a cigarette, taking in a long drag and then gazing up at the sliver of moon as he exhaled. He was tired of his double life, anyway. He didn't even really miss sex as much as he missed the _hope_.

Someone smacked into his back and snarled. "Why don't you watch where you're going, werewolf!"

He stiffened, then turned to survey what sounded like a very drunk Severus...and got a shock. It was the blond man who had been making eyes at him--except that his nose was lengthening before Remus' astonished eyes.

"Don't look so surprised. I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think you're part cow instead of wolf. Of course it's me." The man staggered and Remus reached automatically to catch him. "Fucking Polyjuice is wearing off."

Remus slid a careful arm around his waist, firm but impersonal. "What are you doing, Severus?"

"Getting pissed and spying on all the club tarts. You're not terribly interesting any more." Severus stumbled against Remus again, sending a thrill all through him. Remus told his cock to behave itself.

"You look good, Severus," he said, peering down at the still-lengthening black hair. "Well, now that the Polyjuice is done. I haven't seen you in ages."

Severus groaned. "Don't talk, Lupin."

"No, no, that was the mistake we made last time," Remus protested.

"That was not a _last_ time, because this is not a _this_ time," Severus said, glaring earnestly at him. "I'm jush--just making sure you get home without getting yourshef killed." Severus' gaze turned sombre. "This isn't a safe world for a pissed half-blood werewolf to be wandering alone off his leash."

Remus frowned. "That...ouch." He shook his head. "I'm not nearly as pissed as you are."

Severus snorted, then lurched suddenly. Remus got him to the kerb just in time for him to be violently sick. When he was done, Remus balanced them so he could fish out his handkerchief and wipe Severus' mouth.

"Hold on, Severus. We'll get out of this crowd so I can Apparate us."

"Lupin. Fancy seeing you here," drawled an amused voice. "Found yourself a new shag piece, have you?" Remus just held in a groan. Carnford--just what he needed. The Hufflepuff was dressed in close-fitting robes and looking down his nose at Severus. "My God, it's Snivellus. Well, well, how the mighty have fallen."

Remus tightened his arm when Severus would have pulled away. "Actually Severus is a good friend, Carnford. Piss off." He glared at Carnford, then turned, using the movement to hide his wand as he whispered a nasty spell that would keep Carnford from getting it up for at least a fortnight.

Severus was still tense, but Remus guided him away from the crowd until they could stop. He wrapped both arms around Severus, who leaned into him, face against Remus' neck. Remus went still and closed his eyes, wishing he could even pretend.

They Disapparated.

* * *

Severus moaned and leaned forward on the bed, Remus' hands in his hair. He had just enough presence of mind left to wish things had gone much differently tonight. Then he was sick into the bin. Again. This was _not_ what he had planned when he followed Lupin out of the club.

Then again, he still wasn't sure what he was doing here. It was obvious that Regulus had been manipulating him into this very moment, and despite the fact that Severus had been aware of Regulus' machinations for the better part of a fortnight, he still didn't know what he himself wanted.

For two months Regulus had been sneaking out of Hogwarts every weekend just to drag Severus to the clubs of Diagon Alley. Inevitably they ended up at the same place as Remus Lupin, who had clearly had some tragedy befall him. He still went to all the clubs, but he wore the same outfit every time (and Severus had despaired of ever getting that shirt back) and he only ever sat at the bar and drank.

On top of that, Severus had been practically drowning in owls from Lupin, filled with varying degrees of apology, annoyance, and pleading. He'd sent most of them back, but one very short missive ( _I miss you, Severus. Please won't you talk to me? Please._ ) was tucked under his pillow at home, and another (rather longer, with Lupin's vivid recollections of their night together in somewhat purple but not terribly overblown prose) folded into the pocket of his waistcoat. If Severus were to believe his eyes, Lupin hadn't had sex since they'd shagged over the summer. He couldn't admit to himself how badly he wanted to believe them.

Remus handed Severus a wet flannel, then pointed his wand at the glass on the bedside table. " _Aguamenti_."

"You're too bloody soft-hearted," Severus panted. He was afraid he sounded more affectionate than he would prefer.

"I've missed you," Remus said. His voice was quiet and hoarser than usual. Severus' hair hung stringily in his face and his eyes were streaming reflexive tears, and Remus was still looking at him as if he were the best thing he'd seen all year.

"I hate you," Severus informed him. He rinsed his mouth and spat into the bin, then drank the rest of the water.

Remus tried to smile. "Are you done being sick?" When Severus nodded, he pulled him gently back down on the bed. "I'm so sorry, Severus."

"Shut up, Remus." Oops. He'd not meant to use his Christian name. He swung his feet up and pressed himself back into the warmth of Lupin's chest. The werewolf shivered, then formed himself up against Severus' back. He sniffled several times in Severus' ear and at one point attempted to speak.

Finally Severus shifted so he could press a kiss firmly but with finality against Remus' mouth.

"Shh. I suppose we can talk in the morning." He tucked his forehead under Remus' chin and finally allowed himself to relax into the feeling of being held so protectively.

* * *

In the morning, Severus felt less like being protected and more like hexing and Obliviating Lupin and leaving him wondering why he'd woken up with purple boils all over his privates. He sighed, feeling more than a little miserable.

For one thing, he liked waking up with his arms wrapped around a half-naked Lupin far more than he should. For another, he didn't want to admit that fact to Lupin, and he didn't think he wanted to hear whatever Lupin was going to have to say for himself. And finally he wasn't at all looking forward to having a conversation that involved either their past _or_ any future. Or Severus having to apologise for being sick on Lupin's rug.

When it came down to it, he wanted to shag Lupin madly, then run away again. And that made him want to punish the other man for having that effect on him. He didn't like having to think of himself as a coward. He cracked his eyes open, wincing a little at the amount of light in the tiny flat, and watched Lupin's face, feeling guilty but grateful for the chance to do so.

The light brown hair fell across Lupin's forehead in soft locks, gold where the light hit it. Severus was astonished to see a few threads of grey in it; he wondered if it was because wolves were mostly grey, or if lycanthropy was aging Lupin more quickly than was natural. Lupin's lips were curled in a smile, even though he was asleep. He looked so relaxed. Severus' throat ached.

Lupin stirred in his arms and Severus wished he'd pulled away when he'd had the chance. He watched as Lupin's face lit up when his gaze met Severus'.

"You stayed," he whispered, beaming.

That expression made Severus' stomach jump--a not entirely unpleasant feeling. He drew in a long breath.

"Rather than watch you drink yourself to sudden death in a dark alley, I thought we'd better discuss the...mm, situation between us."

Remus' gaze warmed. He brushed a lock of hair from Severus' eyes.

Severus winced. "God, my head."

"I have hangover potion," Remus offered. "And we could have a shower, if you want."

"Potion now, shower later," Severus said. He didn't miss the 'we', which was encouraging in one way and terrifying in another.

Remus Summoned a bottle of commercially available Morning After Elixer and held out the half-empty bottle to Severus. Severus was surprised at the jolt of desire he felt when their fingers brushed. After all, their entire _bodies_ were touching, so the arousal factor of that little brush was ridiculous. He hid his reaction by glancing at the label with a sneer--his own formula was much more thorough, but beggars couldn't he supposed, choose. He took a healthy swig and stoppered the bottle again, glancing at Remus, who was watching him.

Bloody Gryffindor. He certainly had an endearing manner, even if he was annoyingly promiscuous and irresponsible. And the bane of Severus' existence. And the biggest irritant in Severus' life. And...oh, God, he was fit and so bloody nice, even if he hadn't always been nice to Severus.

Remus lifted a hand to trace over Severus' face, trailing fingertips along his cheekbone, jaw, and ending at his lips. "What are you thinking, Severus?" he whispered.

"That sometimes I don't know whether to kiss you or hex you," Severus muttered. He knew he sounded grumpy, but he didn't care. He'd never been as exasperated by anyone as he was by Remus Lupin--and yet even if he still questioned Remus' capability to settle down with one person, he did have to admit the other man seemed much happier, waking up with Severus, than he had been any of the times Severus had seen him during the past month.

Remus laughed, but his eyes looked regretful suddenly. He sighed. "I've made so many mistakes," he murmured.

Severus sighed, too. "They haven't all been yours," he said grudgingly. "I shouldn't have thrown you out of the compartment on the train when you were actually making an attempt."

"I should have done more over the years to earn your trust."

"I really don't want to talk about this," Severus muttered. "You're a bloody prat. What do you stand to gain from this?" He looked away. "I'm nowhere near as experienced as you are, though doubtless that's been quite obvious."

"I...I'm sorry about that," Remus murmured. He sounded ashamed, which wasn’t at all the reaction Severus had expected. He lifted his head to stare. Remus averted his gaze.

"I thought I could learn to be good enough, you know, without you ever finding out, if you ever did agree to be friends. And I had this plan, with coffee and books and hours-long discussions and concerts before we ever even got to the shagging, so you would know I liked you for you, and not just because of sex. It wasn't until Regulus that I realised I wasn't being clever. I'm just a common tart."

Severus kept staring in fascination as Remus' entire face turned red. At least he could still blush. "Well, you can still blush," he murmured, amused in spite of himself, and oddly touched by the way Remus had planned their romance.

When Remus didn't laugh, Severus frowned. "Look, Lupin, if I hadn't noticed you sneaking about with Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, I might not have given you any notice. I've always thought you're fit, but I've also hated you ever since you became a Prefect. So."

Remus sighed. "I really am sorry." He slumped down again, insinuating himself against Severus' chest and making Severus' heart thump oddly.

"That doesn't just erase the past. Magic doesn't work on every problem." Severus thought of the skull burned into his flesh that couldn't be Vanished or Healed.

They lay still for a while, and Severus began to actually enjoy the silence between them. It had a strange quality, as if they were both listening to each other, even though neither of them was speaking. His breathing deepened and he began thinking about what it might be like to sleep next to Remus more often, to feel free to touch the warm, lightly-muscled body, to stroke his fingers through the light brown hair.

Finally Remus sighed. "Would you like something to eat? Or a shower? I...I really want you to stay, Severus. I want to be near you."

It sent a strange pang through Severus that he didn't entirely trust. Remus would get tired of him soon enough, and if he wasn't careful, he'd care too much. He might forget himself enough to get used to being around Remus, and then his world would fall apart when he found someone else's pants under Remus' bed.

"Shower, I guess," he muttered. He sat up, but Remus' hands caught at him and held him from leaving the bed. Remus sat up and pressed his mouth lightly against Severus'. It was enticing, and Severus relaxed into the kiss, allowing Remus' tongue to part his lips and slide inside, exploring slowly. Remus' hands stroked up and down Severus' bare arms. He wondered if Remus would steal the shirt he'd worn last night, too.

After a while it seemed natural to let Remus shift a little so one leg was nestled between Severus' and they were shifting lightly against each other as they kissed. A warm palm pressed against the small of his back, fingers dipping down inside his trousers--which he had only just realised he was still wearing, since they trapped his hardening cock against him uncomfortably. He gasped and rubbed his crotch against Remus' thigh, breaking their kiss.

Remus wrapped his arms around Severus and pulled him close. They panted and ground against each other for a minute, then Remus pulled away, shaking his head. "Hang on, wait," he murmured. "This is--" He shook his head, then shrugged. "This is _you_. I want it to be special."

Any sort of sex with Remus would be special, Severus thought, but he didn't protest as Remus tugged him to his feet and led him to the bathroom. There Remus got on his knees and peeled Severus' trousers and pants off, nuzzling his erection. Severus gasped in anticipation and tangled his fingers in Remus' hair, then groaned as warm lips closed over his cock. He panted, letting his hips thrust shallowly until Remus finally pulled off with a little wet pop.

Still kneeling, Remus looked up. "I want to have sex with you," he said. "I want to make love to you." He looked oddly young and vulnerable. Severus didn't remember seeing him look like this with either Goddard or Bennett. He swallowed and nodded.

A minute later he found himself in the shower, pressed against cold tile, the hot water hitting one shoulder, while Remus pressed open-mouth kisses across his chest, licking and sucking at his nipples, hands playing over Severus' sides and darting down to stroke his cock, to brush his bollocks, then behind him to curve along his arse. It was just as intoxicating and wonderful and frightening as it had been the first time. Severus clung to Remus and kept blinking the spray of water out of his eyes so he could watch him. He was grateful he wasn't expected to take the lead this time. Remus seemed like he was trying to prove how much he wanted Severus, and it was wonderful.

Remus' fingers circled his entrance, words were whispered in his ear, and then a single digit slid inside, stretching and working further in to rub at his prostate. Groaning, Severus buried his fingers in Remus' hair and bit his lip to keep from demanding Remus just fuck him. He was impatient, he could hardly stand this, but he didn't want it to be over, either. He loved the way Remus kept kissing his neck and shoulder and chest as he prepared him. He liked that Remus seemed to want to enjoy him and take time to make him enjoy himself. Occasionally he bent and kissed or licked at Severus' cock, providing just enough sensation for Severus' arousal to build and recede in waves without actually sending him over the edge.

Finally, _finally_ , Remus sheathed himself inside, wrapping his arms around Severus and pulling their bodies close. Every thrust rocked Severus, body and soul it seemed, and he raked his nails up Remus' back, kissing him hungrily and clenching his muscles around Remus' cock. He swallowed Remus' groans in satisfaction, pulling away to smile fiercely as the other man's thrusts grew more desperate. His cock drove against Severus' prostate more regularly, and soon Severus felt himself tensing.

Remus cried out Severus' name as he came, and between that and the hungry look in his eyes, Severus came with his cock untouched, pinned against the shower wall.

They slumped together for a few minutes, catching their breath. After a time Severus moved away and began rinsing off, not bothering to wash his hair. He could feel Remus' eyes on him, but he averted his gaze. He felt suddenly more embarrassed than he could ever remember feeling. He'd come without being touched, simply from the joy of being _desired_. That alone would tell Remus more than he was comfortable with.

He stepped out of the shower before Remus was finished and dripped his way out to the bedroom, hunting up his wand for a quick drying charm. He felt claustrophobic. He ought to go home. He tugged his robes on over his head and rolled up the rest of his clothes in a ball.

The water shut off and Remus darted out of the bathroom. "What are you doing?"

The edge of fear in his voice only made the smothering feeling worse. Severus shook his head and swallowed. "I have to go. Thanks for--thanks."

He looked up just enough to catch the stricken expression on Remus' face, then he Disapparated.

* * *

Remus stumbled back against the wall and slid down to sit numbly on the floor, ignoring the cold against his naked arse. Severus had just left him for a second time. Was it meant to be punishment? Was Remus supposed to chase him? Only Remus had no idea where Severus lived. He could ask Regulus, but Regulus was at school, and he didn't think Dumbledore would appreciate it if Remus stormed the castle, demanding to see the Head Boy.

He buried his face in his hands. As the cold of his flat settled on him, gooseflesh crept across his skin and he began to shiver. Eventually he got up and made himself get dressed. He poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey, ignoring the fact that it couldn't be past eleven, and sat at the table, staring at a piece of parchment. After several minutes he scribbled one line, then folded and sealed the letter, addressed it to Regulus Black at Hogwarts, and left the apartment to post it.

_It almost worked._


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

 

Titania's Bower was a popular place on weekends for the club set, famous far beyond Diagon Alley for its fantastic breakfasts and the fact that hangover potions were complimentary with every meal. The restaurant was nearly full, but the Marauders and Lily managed to get a table in one corner. Remus hadn't seen either Severus or Regulus. He was wearing jeans and Severus' shirt, feeling conspicuous as he ran a hand through his hair.

_I have a plan,_ Regulus' return owl had said. _Be at Titania's Bower at half-ten Sunday..._

"Moony, calm down, that's your second fag in twenty minutes." Peter frowned. "What's wrong with you?"

"Hungry," Remus said, and curled his fingers around his teacup. "That's all."

"You look all shagged out, mate," Sirius put in. "Stay up too late reading last night? Full moon's nearly a fortnight away, innit?"

Remus shrugged, but fortunately their food arrived and made talk unnecessary. He started in on his toast, though his stomach was so jumpy the bangers and eggs were too much for him.

He wasn't sure what made him look up when he did. A sudden commotion, or perhaps a lack of commotion, or perhaps someone just laughed loud enough to get his attention. Whatever the reason, he looked up in the middle of a bite and saw Severus standing by the door. He was as still as if he'd been Petrified, his face white as he stared at Remus. Regulus was a few steps ahead of him, as if he hadn't noticed right away that Severus had stopped walking. Remus swallowed and licked his lips.

"Look, it's Snivellus," Sirius said, his voice carrying. Someone laughed.

Severus didn't acknowledge Sirius. He stared at Remus, his chest visibly moving with every quick breath he took. Remus swallowed, watching him.

"What's he doing here?" Peter said. "He can't have been out late last night. Who would have greasy old Snivelly?" Sirius guffawed and slapped Peter's back, and someone at another table hooted in amusement.

Remus stood, glaring at his friends. "Just shut up, why don't you!" he snarled. His friends gazed at him in astonishment, but he ignored it. Instead he looked up and began crossing the room towards Severus.

Who bolted.

A jolt of panic went through Remus. He and Regulus stared at each other for a moment, then Remus went after Severus, darting between the tables and heading for the door. He heard someone call his name, but he ignored it. He burst out into Diagon Alley and saw Severus slipping between Titania's Bower and the next building.

"Severus, wait!" he called. He cut around the corner and managed to catch at Severus' sleeve. "Please!" he gasped. He thought he heard footsteps behind him, but he ignored them, watching Severus hungrily.

Severus, to his relief, stopped, though he didn't turn around. Remus slumped against the wall, panting a little. "Severus," he murmured, shifting a little closer. "Why did you leave?"

"Why did I leave?" Severus' voice was low, dangerous. "Why did I leave?" He whirled to glare at Remus, his face contorted with anger. "Don't play the innocent with me, Lupin! As if you didn't know! As if you weren't sitting in there with your asinine friends, _wearing my shirt_ , gloating about your conquest of greasy, gullible Snivellus! Poor greasy bastard, he was practically _gagging_ for it by the time you fucked him senseless, wasn't he? Wasn't used to being touched so much, he almost died of pleasure!"

Remus' mouth fell open. "That's not true! Severus, you know it isn't!"

The sheer force of the loathing in Severus' eyes was almost enough to make Remus retreat. How could he ever convince him that their feelings were genuine? But he couldn’t give up that easily, not now. Severus had spoken almost openly with him yesterday, and he had almost looked sad as he left. That had to mean something. Remus had finally told Sirius to shut up. He wasn't going to let that be for nothing. Lunging forward, he grabbed Severus' shoulders. The other man twisted a little in his grip, but not enough to pull away.

"Severus, please listen to me," he pleaded. "Please. I care about you. A lot. More than just a one night thing, okay? I...it's why I wanted us to be friends, first." He saw no softening in Severus' expression and he pressed against him, wishing he could somehow _make_ him understand. "You have to see, Severus."

"Oh, I see all right," Severus snarled. "You didn't ever want to fuck me, did you? Not the way you wanted Goddard or Bennett or Carnford. I was never like Lewis or Dawkins or Weston or Manwaring, was I? Nothing like Regulus or bloody Evans or Pettigrew or any of those people from Tir na Nog! It was all just some sort of bloody Gryffindor game to you!"

Remus' heart sank as Severus listed off a good number of the people he'd shagged. Then he jolted in surprise at the addition of Lily and Peter to that number, because the Marauders had always been off-limits. How did Severus know nearly all the names on Remus' list? And why did he think Remus had shagged Lily and Peter? His eyes narrowed a little. Regulus, the little twit--and Remus had almost trusted him!

"Oh, so you thought I was as ignorant, as blind, as your idiot friends!" Severus sneered. "You should know better than to underestimate a Slytherin! Why did you think I set Regulus on you in the first place? So he could find out what I needed to know about your... _habits_."

Wait-- _Severus_ had set him up with Regulus? Merlin, Remus was so confused...but one thing he knew was that it couldn't end like this. "Severus, no, _please_ ," Remus gasped. "Look, it wasn't like that!" His heart was pounding, a roaring filling his ears. How could he explain all this properly?

"Look, I shagged those other people mostly because I could. I admit that. Some of them were so I could learn, right? So I wouldn't be stupid about sex if I ever got the chance...but I _never_ had sex with Lily or Peter. And Regulus--he came to me, all right? I wouldn't have tried to seduce him. And he--he figured out somehow that I fancy you. I have for years, Severus, but I was always too afraid to do anything about it." He looked down, glad Severus had stopped ranting enough to listen. Remus took a deep breath and lowered his voice, realising he'd nearly been shouting.

"I know I didn't do enough, ever, but I tried, I really did. I should have stood up for you in public instead of just when it was my friends, and I'm sorry for that, but...And then on the train, I thought--well, I thought friendship was better than nothing, a place to start from, right?" God, he was begging. And worse, he didn't care.

Severus frowned at him, folding his arms over his chest, but didn't interrupt. Remus groped for more words and finally had to admit he didn't know what more to say. He seized Severus' shoulders again and dragged him in for a kiss.

Severus tensed, then melted into it, and Remus felt a surge of triumph. He pressed closer, moaning faintly against Severus' mouth. Severus worked a hand from between them and lifted it to tangle in Remus' hair. Remus leaned into the embrace, pressing Severus against the wall of the building, one hand sliding up to cradle his face and the other resting lightly against his neck. Severus' other hand was on his waist.

A gasp filled his ears. It took a good long moment for it to register that the sound hadn't come from either of them. He pulled slowly away from Severus, too dazed by pleasure and painful hope to be very alarmed...until a shaky voice said, " _Moony_?"

He turned his head, but his attention was caught more by the way Severus leaned into him, one arm going around Remus' waist. Suddenly he found he didn't care that his secret was out. He beamed at...Merlin, all of his friends. James was very pale. Sirius looked positively apoplectic. Peter was glowering, and Frank Longbottom looked completely scandalised. Lily and Regulus, however, both looked pleased.

"What the bloody hell--" Sirius began, but Remus was too jubilant to let Sirius spoil things now.

"I'm queer," he broke in, and had the pleasure of feeling Severus' arm tighten around him. "And I'm in love with Severus."

"What?" James yelped. Lily grabbed his arm, which silenced him for the moment.

"And I'm trying to get him to go out with me," Remus continued, suppressing an absurd desire to laugh. "And if you bollocks this up for me, I will kill you. Slowly and painfully."

Sirius' mouth flapped open and shut a few times. "B-back up to the part where you're a poof!" he exclaimed. "You've seen me naked!" He sounded outraged.

"It isn't as if I ever cared," Remus said. Severus snorted.

"Besides, he's had both Severus and me," Regulus piped up. "Why would he want you?"

Oh, God, Remus would kill the little brat. He was actually moving to draw his wand, but Severus' arm tightened around him again, and a low chuckle met Remus' ears. It reminded him of who really mattered right now.

"You--you--you--"

"Shut up," Remus said, grinning broadly. "You can all eat without me. I'm a little busy at the moment."

To his relief, Lily began herding them away. Only Regulus hung back for a moment, looking fiercely at Remus.

"If you hurt him, I really will kill you slowly and painfully. And I'm the one who managed to drug a potions expert, so don't think I can't." He glanced over Remus' shoulder at Severus. "Ask him what he called me when I sucked his cock," he suggested, winking at Severus. Then he was gone, too.

Remus turned to look nervously at Severus. He hadn't just been preserving Remus' dignity for no reason, had he? He was still holding on to Remus. Holding him very close, in fact. No, his encouragement must have meaning.

"What _did_ you call him?" Severus asked, his gaze amused.

Remus flushed. "I must have called him by your name," he confessed. "I was imagining it was you."

"I will never understand you." Severus' voice was plaintive, his eyes suddenly unsure again.

"Do you think you can put up with me anyway?" Remus asked, feeling a bit shy.

A hand tangled in his hair, pulling him in for a kiss. "I can probably learn to live with it," Severus whispered against his lips.

* * *

Severus woke slowly, his mind taking the time to recall that he was in Remus' bed again, in Remus' _arms_ again, and his body was very pleasantly worn out. He breathed in deeply, smiling, and snuggled against Remus.

"Awake?" Remus murmured, his voice sleepy.

"Only if you are."

Remus laughed. It was a very pleasant sound; Severus decided he wanted to hear that more often. He smiled and turned his head to kiss Remus' neck.

"I'm glad you've given me a second chance," Remus murmured. "I'll do things right this time, Severus. I'll earn your trust, and I'll keep it, whatever it takes."

Severus thought of the Dark Mark that Remus didn't seem to have noticed yet. Not that anyone but another Death Eater would know what it meant, but it was indicative of all the secrets that still lay between them. They would have a lot to work through if they were serious about this.

"Don't make promises you may not want to keep," he warned.

Remus propped himself on an elbow and looked at him. "Severus, I don't think either of us have a lot of illusions about each other, going into this. We've known each other too long for that. We have a lot of things to talk about...but we have time. As long as we always stay true to each other, that's what matters."

Severus thought that seemed a little over-simplified--typical for a Gryffindor--but he wasn't going to try to talk Remus out of it. Especially when Remus' hand was wandering lower along his back, and Remus' thigh was pressing between Severus' legs, and then--ohh, no, now was definitely not the time to worry.


End file.
